My resolve to use this blog as a journal on a regular basis has suffered the fate of most of my resolutions: I haven't followed through. However, as each day is a new beginning, I am reviving my resolve and adding this entry.

I've been practicing centering prayer on a regular basis and realizing lot's of benefits from it. About a week ago I joined some other folks who are doing the same and we talked about creating a network in mid-Ohio of centering prayer practictioners. It turns out that one person there also works a 12 Step recovery program and we have since started exchanging thoughts via a Yahoo group on the link between recovery and centering prayer. The following is a posting I made.

Since I posted the items found in the folder on AA and catholic
practices (as an Anglican I tend to use the lower case "c" to indicate
I mean the church universal) I've already found some links here
between the two. Perhaps I should begin by saying that my principle
spiritual practice over the past 16 years has been to maintain and
improve my conscious contact with God using any methods that seem to
work. To be more direct I have been sober in Alcoholics Anonymous
since May of 1990 and I attempt to work the 12 Steps on a daily basis.

Even before embracing a sober life I was on a spiritual quest of
sorts. Sometimes this was just self-deception (i.e. use of psychedelic
drugs leads to spiritual enlightenment) and sometimes I made real
progress (practicing yoga, tai chi, vegetarianism, choral singing,
committed social justice work, art, &c). My experience in recovery has
taught me that my spiritual condition is the most important factor in
my life, far more central to successful living than career, finances,
romance, and so on. Without a solid link to a Higher Power I can have
no success in any other aspect of living.

Like Bill Wilson, who comes across in our story about Fr. Dowling as a
person without strong religious convictions but very committed to a
spiritual existence, I appreciated religion and my own heritage
growing up in the Anglican tradition, but I found the truth about God
to be much greater than that offered by any one religion. I thank God
that I had as much exposure to other systems of belief and practices
so that when I came to AA I was ready to accept a Higher Power of my
own description, not one handed to me by an authority.

So I am somewhat surprised to learn about Wilson's embracement of a
Jesuit priest as a spiritual advisor. I had a vague idea that he had
considered catholic practices but I didn't know about Fr. Dowling.
During my research online to find documents that articulated the
practices of the Jesuits and others I learned that these spiritual
exercises, much like AA itself, grew out of a few peoples experiences
in trying to achieve a single purpose, in this case a conscious
contact with God. I also learned that, while Roman Catholics and the
return of wandering souls to the church are often the principle
audience for these practices, they are freely offered to the world
with the hope that knowledge of God is increased for all. Again, this
is identical to the intent of the AA program being offered to all who
need it and wish to use it.

So here are my general thoughts. I don't do monologue very well, so
I'm looking forward to reading your thoughts on the ideas presented.

Our group is a gift from God, and I am grateful for it. AMEN.

Helplessly Hoping...

So this month I turned 56 and yet I'm still going to rock concerts. Actually, I haven't gone to one in several years, and then my friend Jean in New York suggested I come visit and go to hear CSNY with her on August 23rd at Jones Beach. What can I say? Those guys tore it up and gave the best concert ever. Just phenomenal. Given that all of them are older than me and have gone through more drinking, drugging, and general physical crises than me, I feel challenged to get going and do something great while I have the chance. Stephen Stills is amazing.. I always knew that but somehow the reality of his talent only came to me that night. When he and Neil got going it was like heaven on earth, no kidding.

I did a lot of other things while I was on vacation. I'll write something about the highlights later.

Seven Angels

So today I registered for a class at the university on the English Reformation. I seem to be creating some sort of hybridized theology curriculum with the few courses available at a public university on the topics of religion and spirituality.

I contacted the professor via email and got a very nice response with additional details about the course and encouraging me to register. Graduate level students are expected to propose a paper and I'm considering a study of the theological and liturgical innovations of Thomas Cranmer and how those resonate with contemporary Christians.

Believe it or not these things have always interested me and it's great that at this point in my life I have the opportunity to study them.

The seven angels in my life today seem to be Aunt Rachel, Marge, Gordon, Curtis, John, Cam, and Kalen. Now and then I will revisit this idea and see if other angels appear. Maybe seven isn't a high enough number?

Rota: chiefly British a : a fixed order of rotation

So I'm still wondering why I'm so resistant to routine. The word gets kind of a bad rap as it is associated with boredom and futility, in other words routines don't lead anywhere, like a horse on a carousel. Joni Mitchell wrote "and wheels they go round and round, and the painted pony goes up and down. We're captive on a carousel of time. We can't return, we can only look behind from where we came, and go round and round and round in the circle game.".

So in a few weeks I'm going to a CSNY concert, and for some reason this has caused me to recall many of the strongly held beliefs I had in my twenties, notions about what life was for, what freedom was about, why peace was the only way, and how the majority of people my age were committed to creating a new world. Now I see that changing the world, at least for the better, is more than just lifestyle. it involves action and community and teaching others.

So I want to put my shoulder to the wheel, to turn the world and hope that the changes will be for the better. To the extent that this requires me to adopt a routine and sacrifice some of my sense of pesonal freedom so be it. I need to think about this some more, but I know that consistency is a virtue. Time to put my convictions into action and build a life that reflects them.

Build the World of Tomorrow

I'm reading a book that I recommend. It is entitled The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay and is a historic fantasy (meaning the central characters are fictional but many of the incidental ones are not) about two cousins who make it big in the comic book trade. The story begins in the latter half of the 1930's and blends and contrasts lots of brooding, gathering menace from the other side of the Atlantic with the jazzy, snappy, hopeful American optimism.

The 1939 New York World's Fair was the last bit of American bravado and optimism before the onset of World War II. The two structures shown in the poster, the 700-foot Trylon and 200-foot Perisphere, symbolized this vision of an ordered but enlightened future where progressive social ideas and technology made everyone's life ideal.

I think it fascinating that, within one generation of this event, the ideal for many American youth would be a "back to the earth" self-sufficiency, where herbs and organic food, communal living, open relationships, sexual freedom, and the vagabound life reflected the new society.

Growing up in the fifties I believe I was introduced to the deferred dreams of my parents generation; financial security, prosperity, an orderly society where you played by the rules, and the performance of duty and hard work brought rewards. I very much wanted to believe in these things, but I saw too much hyposcrisy and stupidity to really buy into the idea of America. By the time I reached college I was ready for a change, and it came, believe me.

So next month I'm going to New York, and in fact will be rather close to the site of the 1939 World's Fair on Long Island. My friend Jean and I are going to the Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young concert at Jones Beach. I'm so.o.o.o.o very excited. This will be a great chance for me to reconnect with my past and continue with the process of reintegrating my values and interests from my youth with my life today. We are all still alive, and that is a miracle to celebrate in itself.

Centering Prayer - A Glimpse of God

This morning I started the day with silent meditation and readings, just as I have for the past few Fridays. A new friend named Justin from my church has been organizing the services. Today we were joined by Rawleigh who seemed to enjoy it and will likely continue. This isn't everyone's bag, but for me this is deeply spiritual. I love the peace and calm I feel during the time, and also the sense of community and sharing we have even though very little talking is involved.

We start out by singing a simple chant, then hearing a psalm and a short reading from a book by Thomas Keating , followed by two sessions of about 20 minutes of silent prayer, and ended with a reading from the Gospel.

I hope that this is something I can continue and that it won't fall prey to my tendancy to drop out of things after a while. I'm just taking it a day at a time, so we'll see.